This is the transcript for the Two-Bit episode Giant Problem.

Buildings are on fire and people are screaming off-screen
The Sheriff Take that (Cocks gun and fires multiple shots) you little liver snake!
The Beaver Sheriff what is going on? What’s happening?
The Sheriff Brace yourself darling! We’ve got (Pauses and shows two giant monsters) giant monsters.
Giant lizard monster roars
The Beaver Giant monsters? How? This has always been such a nice town.
Shows the front page of Gulch Today with headline of ”TWO-BIT BEST GIANT MONSTER FREE TOWN!”
The Sheriff Talk about a jinx.
Giant lizard crushes a building
The Sheriff Son of a bitch! Now where am I going to get my lip waxed?
The Beaver Well you always could go to Gina’s across town.
The Sheriff Oh yeah! They’re better anyways. (Cocks gun and fires it) Dagnabbit, when is Professor von Bon going to get here?
Professor Von Bon (Faux German accent) Here I am. I have tis. Tis is the weapon that will destroy these creatures.
The Sheriff Fantastic work doc!
Joesph (Caption) Ellie Mae, will you make me the luckiest fella in all Giantland?
Ellie Mae (Caption) Oh, Joseph! Yes! A thousand times YES!
The Sheriff (Running while holding the bomb) I wish I had something funny and ironic to say (Throws bomb) here!
Bomb hits Joesph, but bounces off. Joesph and Ellie Mae start to pound the ground in joy. The screen is enveloped in complete whiteness.
The entire town is in shambles. The Sheriff lies on the ground while the Beaver looks at him
The Sheriff (weakly) I have no regrets, except; for not lighting the fuse.
The screens to black as the Two-Bit logo appears